- She asks for it. She knows how he gets.
There is no reason anyone should ever harm someone they love. Ever.
- He only gets that way because he's drunk/high/angry.
While substance abuse can make things worse, there are underlying problems that cause domestic violence. If it were just an anger management issue, wouldn't the abuser be beating everyone in his life that made him angry?
- If she hasn't left him yet, it can't be that bad.
- If she hasn't left him yet, she must be crazy, stupid or she must like it.
See below for the many reasons people don't leave abusive relationships, even when it is obvious they should.
- If he's not crazy jealous, he's not in love. He beats her because he loves her.
It sound tired, but love shouldn't hurt.
- He doesn't know what he's doing. He always says he's sorry afterwards.
Of course he knows.
- It won't happen to me. I know how to choose a man. They just don't know how to find a good man.
- Only women get hurt by the people they love.
Domestic violence can and does happen to both women and men.
- Abusers are unlovable. There's no way someone who beats his wife could be a charming, respected, outgoing person on the outside.
Sometimes abusers are the person everyone loves the most, the life of the party. Abusers often have very charming public personas. They can be persuasive, manipulative people that can be very hard to untangle your life from.
Why Women Stay in Abusive Relationships:
Shame, not wanting to have to explain why she had to leave
Threats of death
A desire to preserve her family or fulfill a religious vow
An unsupportive, non-understanding family
*Here is an interesting comment someone from the training made:
"Cheating is a form of violence." Her rationale was that cheating is lying, it is deception and it is control of information. If your partner is controlling information about his/her sex life, what else are they controling? And abuse is all about control. Cheating also opens up risk of STDs to the unknowing partner. The decision to use a condom or not must be made with all information on the table.
But what do you think? Is cheating violent? Have you heard any other domestic violence myths?